Edge of Blackness

This is the edge of blackness – the dividing line between the light and the shadows. Here, with this post, I leave my world of sunlight, where I can see, predict, and control everything, and I enter a realm of shadowy unfamiliarity.

I was told to write about what I know best.

I know fear best.

fear

This is my stand against it. From behind my keyboard, one tiny terror at a time, I will live courageously.

I will only post when I have faced a fear.

Today I faced a giant: today I created a blog. The voices of fear hounded me through every keystroke and tap of the trackpad:

          You have nothing to say.

          Nobody will read your blog.

          You should do something worthwhile.

Fear is like that. It hisses from beside and behind me, but I refuse to be guided by its whispers. Because I have a calling. I have a soul and a passion and a voice, and I cannot live another day giving in to the fear that drives me.

For those of you brave souls who have never felt fear, this is how it feels: like being alone with no landmarks in sight.

For those of you brave souls who have never felt fear, this is how it feels: like being alone with no landmarks in sight.

So this is my stand.

Because God gave me a spirit, not of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.

(On second thought, scratch the ‘sound mind’ bit of that. I’ll plead the fifth on that point.)

Because fear can’t stand opposition.

Because I have been freed and must walk in that freedom.

And every time I face a terror, no matter how small, I press the shadows back.

So this is me, then, choosing to do the things that knot my stomach and constrict my throat and crush my ribcage with anxiety.

And this is you, whoever you are, wherever you are, holding me accountable, because as long as someone’s watching to see if I do it, I might be able to muster through the first stumbling, wobbly steps on sheer bravado.

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About Elizabeth Syson

While consuming tea and coffee at an alarming rate, I read and write everything I can and pursue my unnatural love of copyediting. My hobbies include learning new instruments and languages, riding horseback, sketching very badly indeed, and periodically recommitting to doing yoga regularly. View all posts by Elizabeth Syson

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