This is the edge of blackness – the dividing line between the light and the shadows. Here, with this post, I leave my world of sunlight, where I can see, predict, and control everything, and I enter a realm of shadowy unfamiliarity.
I was told to write about what I know best.
I know fear best.
This is my stand against it. From behind my keyboard, one tiny terror at a time, I will live courageously.
I will only post when I have faced a fear.
Today I faced a giant: today I created a blog. The voices of fear hounded me through every keystroke and tap of the trackpad:
You have nothing to say.
Nobody will read your blog.
You should do something worthwhile.
Fear is like that. It hisses from beside and behind me, but I refuse to be guided by its whispers. Because I have a calling. I have a soul and a passion and a voice, and I cannot live another day giving in to the fear that drives me.
So this is my stand.
Because God gave me a spirit, not of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.
(On second thought, scratch the ‘sound mind’ bit of that. I’ll plead the fifth on that point.)
Because fear can’t stand opposition.
Because I have been freed and must walk in that freedom.
And every time I face a terror, no matter how small, I press the shadows back.
So this is me, then, choosing to do the things that knot my stomach and constrict my throat and crush my ribcage with anxiety.
And this is you, whoever you are, wherever you are, holding me accountable, because as long as someone’s watching to see if I do it, I might be able to muster through the first stumbling, wobbly steps on sheer bravado.